Ive been quiet on here for a bit and thats mostly because everything felt like too much? My heads been a bit of a mess lately. Work is fine, clients are good, but something inside me feels like its sliding sideways and I cant quite get a grip.
My mums been texting which always makes things complicated. Shes worried about me which is rich considering how little she actually knows about my life right now. I love her but she doesnt get that being an escort isnt some tragic thing its just work and sometimes its actually really interesting and sometimes its just boring like any other job.
The past few weeks Ive been taking more mental health days than usual. Just staying in bed, scrolling endlessly, ordering takeaway and not really talking to anyone. I know thats not great but sometimes you just need that space to exist without performing or being productive or whatever. My therapist would probably have thoughts about this but Im not super interested in analyzing every single thing right now.
Money is okay. Im saving up for something big but Im not even sure what yet. Maybe moving. Maybe a proper holiday. Maybe just having a safety net that feels real and not just theoretical.
Im writing this and realizing how messy it all sounds but thats kind of the point I guess. Not everything needs to be neat or explained or resolved.